Church Ladies With typewriters . . . They're Back!

I got this is an email Peggy sent me:

Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for   church ladies with typewriters. These sentences   (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in   church bulletins or were announced in church   services:   The   Fasting & Prayer Conference includes   meals. --------------------------   The   sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'   The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' --------------------------   Ladies,   don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to   get rid of those things not worth keeping around   the house. Bring your husbands. --------------------------   Remember   in prayer the many who are sick of our community.   Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell'   to someone who doesn't care much about you.  -------------------------- Don't   let worry kill you off - let the Church help. --------------------------   Miss   Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way   again,' giving obvious pleasure to the   congregation. --------------------------   For   those of you who have children and don't know it,   we have a nursery downstairs. --------------------------   Next   Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They   need all the help they can get. --------------------------   Irving   Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October   24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began   in their school days. --------------------------   A   bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the   church hall. Music will follow.. -------------------------- At   the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will   be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our   choir practice. --------------------------   Eight new choir robes are currently needed due   to the addition of several new members and to the   deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------- Scouts   are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items   to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple   children. --------------------------   Please place your donation in the envelope   along with the deceased person you want   remembered.. --------------------------   The   church will host an evening of fine dining, super   entertainment and gracious hostility. --------------------------   Potluck   supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication   to follow. --------------------------   The   ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of   every kind. They may be seen in the basement on   Friday afternoon. -------------------------- This   evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in   the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket   and come prepared to sin. --------------------------   Ladies   Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM   . All ladies are invited to lunch in the   Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done. -------------------------- The   pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the   Congregation would lend him their electric girdles   for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------- Low   Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7   PM . Please use the back door. --------------------------  The   eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's   Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The   congregation is invited to attend this   tragedy. --------------------------   Weight   Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First   Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door   at the side entrance. --------------------------   The   Associate Minister unveiled the church's new   campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge -   Up Yours.