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Thursday, June 16, 2011

Church Ladies With typewriters . . . They're Back!

I got this is an email Peggy sent me:




Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for

  church ladies with typewriters. These sentences

  (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in

  church bulletins or were announced in church

  services:  


The

  Fasting & Prayer Conference includes

  meals.

--------------------------
 

The

  sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'

  The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
 

Ladies,

  don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to

  get rid of those things not worth keeping around

  the house. Bring your husbands.

--------------------------
 

Remember

  in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

  Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell'

  to someone who doesn't care much about you.

 
--------------------------
Don't

  let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
 

Miss

  Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way

  again,' giving obvious pleasure to the

  congregation.

--------------------------
 

For

  those of you who have children and don't know it,

  we have a nursery downstairs.

--------------------------
 

Next

  Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They

  need all the help they can get.

--------------------------
 

Irving

  Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October

  24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began

  in their school days.

--------------------------
 

A

  bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the

  church hall. Music will follow..

--------------------------
At

  the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will

  be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our

  choir practice.

--------------------------
 
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due

  to the addition of several new members and to the

  deterioration of some older ones.

--------------------------

Scouts

  are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items

  to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple

  children.

--------------------------
 
Please place your donation in the envelope

  along with the deceased person you want

  remembered..
--------------------------

 
The

  church will host an evening of fine dining, super

  entertainment and gracious hostility.

--------------------------
 

Potluck

  supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication

  to follow.

--------------------------
 

The

  ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of

  every kind. They may be seen in the basement on

  Friday afternoon.

--------------------------
This

  evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in

  the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket

  and come prepared to sin.

--------------------------
 

Ladies

  Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM

  . All ladies are invited to lunch in the

  Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
-------------------------- The

  pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the

  Congregation would lend him their electric girdles

  for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

--------------------------
Low

  Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7

  PM . Please use the back door.

--------------------------
 
The

  eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's

  Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The

  congregation is invited to attend this

  tragedy.

--------------------------
 

Weight

  Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First

  Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door

  at the side entrance.

--------------------------
 

The

  Associate Minister unveiled the church's new

  campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge -

  Up Yours.
 
 

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